Sullied (a non-fiction)

November 15, 2009

This is a true account of one night in my past. I post it as a warning to other naive young women who may read this: be careful when you are out clubbing or partying, and never let your drink out of your sight for a second.

It was cold that night because it was January but was it snowing? I don’t think so. It was Tuesday or maybe a Wednesday and I shouldn’t have gone out because I had early work the next day. But I was young and we went out almost every night anyway. So Ivy and I went to the Ritz…don’t know who was playing…I met you when I went to the bar for a vodka tonic. I always liked the vodka tonics there; the barkeep had a gift for mixing the alcohol and tonic precisely right, so the flavors blended perfectly and in fact seemed to stem from the very same river source.

You were cute in a non-prepossessing way and seemed friendly. I sensed no danger signals from you and so we chatted blandly through my first drink. I had just ordered my second when Ivy appeared, wanting to leave. Did she have a headache or was she tired or just bored? I don’t recall…but she left without me, with my permission.

Soon after is when the drug must have begun to take effect. All of a sudden I began to feel as if I had had a dozen vodka tonics rather than just one and a half. Suddenly my visuals began to ebb in and out and everything became a scene from The Trip or Psych-Out. Did I still hear the music? Did I still have feeling in my outer extremities? It’s all a blur now.

What my very hazy memory does tell me in brief bites is that you escorted me from the Ritz at some point…we were in a cab and the driver was joking with you in that sexist manly way that your gender sometimes adopts…he was saying something about how easy I looked, how you were in for some kind of wild night for sure…then nothing…nothing..nothing…till I see you naked and sweating moving fast and hard above me inside me..I am naked too, how did that happen? I try to pull away from you but you push me down hard…ow my head hurts…you keep ramming into me and mercifully I fade away again….more nothing nothing nothing…

I wake up with the sun hot on my face in my own bed late for work. I hurt all over and I can’t remember how I got here, how I could possibly have gotten here unless Scotty beamed me up or something. Maybe it was just a nightmare I think groggily as I turn over and wince as I lie on my bruised arm….but no. Torn panties and your record on the floor say otherwise.